Genocide in Iran™ vs Freeing Palestinians from Hamas®
By Our Senior Political Satire Columnist
There are moments in history when the political left is asked to think dialectically. And there are moments—far more common—when it is requested to retweet dialectically, preferably with a flag emoji, a solemn thread, and a donation link.
This is one of those moments.
Today, we examine two moral products currently circulating in the global marketplace of outrage:
1. “Genocide in Iran™” – an internally focused moral panic, export-ready, NGO-certified.
2. “Freeing Palestinians from Hamas®” – an externally imposed humanitarian solution, weapons included.
Both arrive wrapped in the sober language of ethics, the same Atlantic institutions sponsor both, and both require activists to perform a small but crucial act of ideological yoga: holding radically different standards of judgment without experiencing muscle strain.
Context: That Bourgeois Obsession
Marx warned us about false consciousness. He did not, regrettably, live long enough to warn us about context laundering.
Iran: The Security State as Tragic Protagonist
In the Iranian case, the state narrates itself as a besieged organism. Protest is not dissent but foreign code injection. Demonstrators are not subjects but suspicious packets of Western influence routed through Instagram.
Killings, therefore, are not killings. They are defensive corrections. A regrettable but necessary patch applied to preserve sovereignty against espionage, sabotage, and—most dangerously—unauthorized feminism.
Western commentators nod gravely. Here, at last, is a genocide they can condemn without inconveniencing a single arms manufacturer. Think-tank PDFs bloom. Persian women are rediscovered with the fervor of a colonial anthropologist spotting a marketable cause.
Gaza: Occupation Rendered Abstract
Gaza exists in a different epistemological zone. Here, context is described as “complex” and promptly sealed off for safety reasons.
Palestinian resistance is narrated as pathology rather than politics. Violence is detached from its material conditions—blockade, dispossession, military rule—and reattached to metaphysics: ancient hatreds, terror cultures, bad leadership choices.
The occupation itself becomes atmospheric, like humidity. Unpleasant, regrettable, but not causative.
Two Moral Claims, One Imperial Grammar
Iran claims its violence is defensive, aimed at espionage. Palestinians claim their violence is liberatory, aimed at ending the occupation. Western powers respond with the same grammar they have used since 1492: violence is legitimate when aligned with the Western-dominated world order; illegitimate when aligned with disruption.
The world Order, of course, is defined by shipping lanes, investment climates, and friendly regimes.
The Western Academy of Selective Liberation™ (WASL)
To help activists navigate these distinctions without accidentally developing solidarity, we visited the Western Academy of Selective Liberation™, where the next generation of professional conscience managers is trained.
Core modules include:
• Dialectics Without Materialism
• Anti-Imperialism (Historical Elective)
• Condemning Violence While Funding It
Graduates leave fluent in moral asymmetry and ready for the marketplace.
Alumni Spotlights: Monetizing Ideology
🎓 Chad L., Critical Thinker
Chad’s shop, “Empire But Make It Ethical,” sells hand-lettered prints reading This Intervention Is About Values and throw blankets embroidered with tasteful drone silhouettes.
“Before WASL, I thought imperialism was structural,” Chad explains. “Now I understand it’s situational. That really helped my brand.”
🎓 Emily R., Liberation Lifestyle Curator
Emily runs “Genocide, But Make It Discursive,” offering hats distinguishing real genocides from security incidents that activists should not overthink.
“Iran is a genocide because it resists the West,” she clarifies gently. “Gaza is tragic because it resists successfully.”
🎓 Marcus & Zoe, NGO-Adjacent Influencers
Their platform, “Occupied Aesthetics,” provides Gaza-themed self-care journals and Iran protest kits, each calibrated for maximum moral clarity and minimum geopolitical analysis.
Sample Gaza affirmation:
I oppose violence in principle against civilians and Gaza children while supporting the structures that perpetrate it as a necessary evil.
Freedom: The Imperial Use-Value
Western colonist powers insist their interventions are about freedom. This is true in the Marxian sense: freedom as use-value for capital.
• Iran must be freed from the sovereignty that refuses to align with the West.
• Palestinians must be freed from the resistance that disrupts stability and zionist apartheid.
• Western allies must be freed from the consequences of the Gaza genocide, which is a prerequisite for establishing Greater Israel.
Freedom here is not emancipation but access to markets, minerals, corridors, and compliance.
The Activist’s Double Standard, Explained Dialectically
When Iran kills protesters, it confirms barbarism. When Israel kills Palestinians, it confirms complexity. When the U.S. kills anyone, it confirms leadership.
This is not hypocrisy. It is imperial realism, internalized and rebranded as pragmatism for activist consumption.
Final Thesis (Footnote Recommended)
The true achievement of Western power is not military dominance but the production of activists who speak the language of justice while reproducing the logic of empire.
Thus, genocide in Iran becomes a moral spectacle, safely condemnable. Freeing Palestinians from Hamas becomes a civilizing mission, safely violent.
Both narratives discipline resistance. Both naturalize domination. Both remind us that under late capitalism, even solidarity must be strategically aligned.
Choose your outrage carefully. History is watching—but only selectively.
This advertorial was funded by no one in particular, which is to say, by everyone who benefits from it.